I have absolutely NO idea how I have managed to do it, or what switch has flicked in my brain, but I have UNlearned a fear of the dark.

I can’t even remember at what age I started sleeping with a light on, anywhere in my flat, or having something on a timer that would stay on until dawn. I have done it for as long as I can remember, until this past month.

I woke up, my flat was as dark as it can be, what with light from other houses and street lights outside, and in the past I have rushed to switch a light on, anywhere. For some reason, about a month ago, I just got cooried doon again and went back to sleep.

It’s a mixture of things since I was little, I have always been a bit fearful and risk averse anyway, but a fear of the dark and of being alone in the dark was next level.

I don’t want to go all out, and go into everything that gives me the heebeejeebees, but there are a couple more things. When I’m nervous and in a social setting, I go into game show host mode, and really have a to keep a lid on my energy and keep my voice tone low.

What is that? Fear of being disliked? I am glad to say that being 50 plus post and packaging, I AM a lot more confident than I used to be, and give less f**ks, but this weekend I did get nervous again. Maybe it’s lack of social contact from the last 3 years? It IS unusual for me to be in large group social settings.

I can’t work out what the trigger was with fear of the dark. Fear means being afraid of a present danger, anxiety is the physical and mental reaction to a trigger, even when it is not there.

As I said, I have no idea why all of a sudden my brain seems to be happy being in the dark now when I go to sleep. So Amen to that.

What a revelation though.

Onward!

Elizabeth